I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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