I hate all girls vehemently.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
