She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
