Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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