New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize