Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
