R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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