Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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