9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
