I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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