well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
