On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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