I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
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First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
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Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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