I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
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When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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