I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
