K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
The struggles of a small town man whore
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
