It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
