I must be too annoying 4 u.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
My balls are so social today.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
