if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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