We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
