His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
