he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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