Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
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