I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
