I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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