The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
