I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
My hand turned me down
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
