the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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