last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
