1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
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remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize