Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
