What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
