she was so not down for the gang bang
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
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She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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