Apparently you make a good broom.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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