The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
