Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
