I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
