She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
