is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
