lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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