I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
