I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
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You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
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So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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