I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
