uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
