Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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