This is not my ceiling
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
its not stalking. its research.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
