Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I deserve this hangover.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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