My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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