I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
