just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
