The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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