everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
