Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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