my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
