i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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