the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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