Porn is love you can see.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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