she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
