Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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