Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
