ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
