So drunk, too bad you don't want this
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
