Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Randomize
