Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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