legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
