either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
