Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
