and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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