i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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