i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
